A Reason For Blogging

I’ve tried different blogging angles in the past, but I believe the best thing for me to do in this space is to be…me. (My blog header stated this from the start! Preslaysa, can you get a clue?)

From here on out, I’ll use this space as my personal journey into self-discovery. Yeah, I know that sounds heady and esoteric, but it’s not. What it really means is that, at 34 years old, I’m still learning to be comfortable with what I had decided to be when I grow up. I want to share that “learning to be comfortable-ness” with you.

So what did I decide to be when I grow up?

An artist.

In my younger days, my primary mode of artistic expression was acting. As an adult, my primary mode of artistic expression is writing. I’m learning to be comfortable with being a writer. I’ve tried to do everything but be an artist because, like most people, I was educated towards security. An artist’s life is anything but secure, but it’s the way God designed me.

A reader.

I remember the exact moment when I learned to read: I was four years old at a flea market in New Jersey. When I discovered that all those black lines and squigglies had a meaning and a purpose, my world radically changed. Reading was the place where I discovered new ideas. Reading was an escape from the hard times in my life. Looking back, I see how reading copious amounts of books as a child also paved the way for my future life as a writer.

A mom.

I’ve chosen to spend the majority of my days “at home” with my children. (In reality, I’m not home all the time. We have hit every park, play date and library story time in town.) It’s not a role I had envisioned for myself growing up, but it’s brought out the best in me. I don’t think I would have ventured into writing if not for motherhood. This quote from Toni Morrison on motherhood sums up my experience best:

“There was something so valuable when one became a mother. For me it was the most liberating thing that ever happened to me…Liberating because the demands that children make are not the demands of a normal ‘other.’ The children’s demands on me were things that nobody ever asked me to do. To be a good manager. To have a sense of humor. To deliver something that somebody could use. And they were not interested in all the things other people were interested in, like what I was wearing or if I was sensual…Somehow all the baggage I had accumulated as a person about what was valuable just fell away. I could not only be me-whatever that was-but somebody actually needed me to be that. If you listen (to your children), somehow you are able to free yourself from baggage and vanity and all sorts of things, and deliver a better self, one that you like. The person that was in me that I liked best was the one my children seemed to want.”

A wife.

Contrary to popular doctrines, I’m not very submissive. I’m not always helpful. And I’m not my husband’s equal. (Biology clearly ruled out the equality part.) We are different, and we are friends. (Side note: After my husband read this, he said: “I think you are submissive. I am submissive to you too.” Don’t know what to make of that…topic for another blog post.)

A follower of Jesus.

My faith is a very private yet public choice. It’s a private choice because my relationship with God can get personal. God gets in my business a lot. It’s also a public choice because my relationship with God naturally colors my perspective on life and (hopefully) positively impacts my roles as an artist, a mom and a wife.

So my major reason for blogging: to chronicle this journey into these areas of my life, and hopefully learn about your journey in the process.