Click here to print this week’s Love Calendar for the week of Sunday, January 18th. Hope you have a great week!
Marriage
5 Ways to Maintain a Great Marriage After Baby
Marriage can be hard, especially when you toss a baby in the mix.
I remember my married pre-baby days well. We used to sleep in on the weekends, have long talks in the evenings, and going out to eat on a whim. Things changed after our first one came along. I had read the Babywise book and became gung-ho about getting my newborn on a regular feeding and sleeping schedule. As a result, my whole life became scheduled. I needed a routine to maintain my sanity, but I lost our let’s-go-out-on-and-do-something-on-a-whim aspect of our relationship.
So I decided to bring it back (some) aspects of surprise in my marriage (within “mama-with-a-baby” reason, of course!) Here are five way you can thrive in your marriage after a baby:
- Know it’s only for a season. Babies grow up, get on sleep schedules (we hope!), and learn to tie their shoes. But really, the newborn/baby stage will come to an end. If you keep this in mind, it will give you some perspective.
- Order pizza. That’s right. Don’t feel like you have to be superwoman. Having pizza on the couch after the children are asleep is a great time to have some bonding time.
- Get wild and wear clean pajamas to bed. Basically, look presentable! This is my struggle and I talked about it in this post. Maintaining good appearances keeps things fun
- If you have to outsource something to have some couple time, do it. Hire a babysitter. Get on a meal exchange with some friends. Or have someone come in and clean your house if you can afford it. Delegating some activities will free up your time for maintaining your marriage and your sanity!
- If you need to talk it out with a counselor, do that too. (Or attend a marriage retreat!) A lot of times negative patterns arise in our relationships during times of stress and change, and having a baby is a big change! Spending time with a trained professional can help you and your spouse get through that tough baby stage.
{This post is part of the Thrifty Thursday Link Up!}
Snow, a guest post by novelist Julie Arduini
Novelist Julie Arduini talks marriage in today’s post!
It’s funny the things God uses to teach me about Him and my life. I’m a visual learner so imagine my surprise when my latest a-ha moment was from snow.
I live in Ohio where snow can fall anywhere from late October to April. When the forecasters start talking about the potential for fluffy white flakes, no matter how many years I’ve seen it, there seems to be an anticipation. A wonder as the snow falls for the first time to catch it on eyelids, make snow angels, or take a walk in the evening.
Even if Thanksgiving is weeks away, something about that first snow of the season makes Christmas music in the stores enjoyable, not annoying. Light displays pop up around the neighborhood and I want to drive around and take it all in.
That first snow is beautiful. Pure. Romantic.
Fast forward to January, February. Or in the case of Winter 2013-14, March and a little bit of April. The mere mention of a word that starts with “s” sends me cringing. A text alert telling me school is closed because of snow is frustrating. When the roads clear and I can finally get out and drive, romantic is the last thing I’m feeling towards the white stuff. It’s grimy and ugly. How can the same snow that had me running outside in childlike glee in December be the same thing that I don’t even want to look at in March?
And there it is.
Marriages sadly can become the same predicament. The same for our relationship with Christ. In both cases everything is new. There’s anticipation and joy even in the most mundane things. It’s hard to imagine ever being frustrated or bored. But week after week, year after year, and the feelings wane. What used to be exciting is a nuisance. A burden.
Don’t let your marriage and walk with the Lord turn stormy because your vision is clouded by what appears to be mundane. Pray for His vision to see the blessings in your life as He does. Choose oneness and unity when the little resentments threaten your peace.
And if the weather allows, take a romantic stroll in the snow. It won’t be the white stuff on the ground that makes it dreamy, but the one you take with you.
About Julie
Julie Arduini is an author with a passion to encourage readers to find freedom through surrender. Her first Adirondack contemporary romance, Entrusted, gives readers hope to surrender fear. A Walk Through the Valley will soon be available as an infertility devotional with 5 other authors. She blogs every other Wednesday at Christians Read and is a frequent contributor to Jasmine’s Place. To learn more about her writing and love of chocolate, visit http://juliearduini.com. She lives in Ohio with her husband and two children.
About Entrusted
Jenna Anderson, sassy city-girl, plows–literally–into Adirondack village, Speculator Falls with a busted GPS. She gets a warning from the sheriff but has ideas for the senior center to prove she belongs in town as their director. Town councilman Ben Regan is as broken as the flower box Jenna demolished. He’s grieving and wants to shut down the center before there’s too much change and heartbreak. They work on community projects and build a slow relationship, but the council needs to vote on the senior center’s future. Can Jenna show Ben both her and the center are worth trusting?
Four Ways to Communicate with Your Spouse About Conflict
Finding ways to effectively communicate with your spouse can be a challenge, especially when you encounter conflict.
We’ve all experienced conflict in our marriage, issues we shove under the rug and ignore (workaholism, financial issues, parenting stress, etc.). We try to wish it away, but it remains. If we aren’t proactive about communicating these issues, things could take a turn for the worse. Here are some tips I learned during pre-marital counseling which could help you talk with your spouse about the hard issues in a healthy way:
- Hear the other person out. Don’t interrupt your spouse. This can be tough to do, especially when you think the other person is wrong. One way you can resist the urge to interject is by taking notes while they are talking. It will quell the urge to speak in haste, and it could very well prevent a full blown argument.
- Communicate back what you hear the other person say. I have a tendency to assume the worst whenever I am in a conflict. I am a naturally “glass is half empty” type of person. Whenever I try this second technique, I soon learn that my interpretation of what the other person said or did wasn’t 100% accurate. This technique prevents unnecessary miscommunication.
- Don’t expect to solve the problem in one conversation. Table some aspects of the discussion for later. Big problems and big conflicts aren’t solved in one conversation. Be prepared for multiple talks if needed.
- Affirm your love for each other at the end of the conversation. This serves as a reminder that you aren’t enemies. You’re partners who’ve encountered a speed bump on life’s journey. The Bible verse “don’t let the sun set on your anger” rings true in marriage relationships. So make sure love, not anger or bitterness, ends each of these hard conversations.
What ways have you solved conflict in your marriage? I’d love to hear your tips!
Have you downloaded this week’s Love Calendar? If not, get your copy here.
Setting Goals for Your Relationships
Happy 2015! This is the time of year when many set career goals, health goals, or financial goals. These are good to have, but we often neglect to set goals for our close relationships, our spouse, our children, our friends. Solid relationships are the foundation to a happy life
I once listened to a sermon where the pastor advised his congregation to set goals and schedule in time to work on them. This pastor had been setting goals and writing a weekly schedule to work on his goals for over thirty years. When he became a father, he had said one of his long term goals was to have a friendship with his children. While they were young, he scheduled one-on-one time with them. His said it was an enormous investment given the competing demands on his time, but it paid off. He has a friendship with his adult children.
That sermon came to mind for me recently when I thought about the kind of relationship I want to have with my children, spouse and my friends. Scheduling in that one-on-one time with those I love should be an important part of how I spend my day.
Here are some questions to help you set some relationship goals for 2015:
Your Marriage Goals
- How would you describe the current state of your marriage?
- How many dates have you gone on in the past year? How many would you like to go on? (Check out this post for date night ideas.)
- What are some ways you could improve communication with your spouse?
Your Parenting Goals
- What’s your current discipline style? How could you improve it?
- Do you have clear boundaries with your children?
- What could you do to spend more quality and more quantity time with your children?
- What could you do on a regular basis to show your child that they are loved?
Your Friendship Goals
- Do you like your friends? Do your friendships edify you or drain you?
- Are there any fun things you’d like to do with your friends in 2015?
- How much time do you spend with your friends? How often do you talk to them?
- What could you do to be a better friend?
There you have it, some questions to ask regarding your relationships.
What questions would you add to the list?
4 Ways to Kiss Your Husband
I know. You forgot how to kiss your husband. With all the holiday frenzy piled on top of all the busyness, it can be tough to squeeze kissing into your day. Who has time to kiss when you have to bake three dozen cookies for that office party? Or drive your kids to that soccer game? I’m guilty of this too, but kissing is important.
According to Psychology Today, kissing serves a key purpose in a long term relationship. It’s “an expression of psychological closeness, and a means of preserving and enhancing intimacy in a relationship.” Kissing, or the lack thereof, illustrates the state of your relationship. So if you ain’t smooching, it’s a red flag and you better get to it! Here are some easy way you can squeeze more kissing into your day:
- When you first wake up. If you brush your teeth the night before (and floss!), the morning breath won’t be so bad. As soon as you open your eyes, give him a fresh one. Don’t hop out of bed to run a load of laundry or start getting ready for work. He’ll appreciate that you took the time to love on him first thing.
- When you reach the end of the work day. I talked about some easy ways to greet your man at the end of the day. Why not greet him with a kiss? Tell him how happy you are to see him, and then start your couch time together. It’ll mark the beginning of a peaceful evening at home.
- When you have a spat. I’m not talking about kissing after you’ve made all of the requisite apologies and “I’m sorry’s.” I’m talking about kissing in the midst of the spat. It’s a quick way to quell an argument. If you can’t muster up the energy to kiss during an argument because your emotions have gone haywire, take a deep breath, count to ten and think of something funny. The last time I laughed during a love spat, I soon realized the ridiculousness of our disagreement. It was the first step to moving forward… and it paved the way for a quick kiss!
- When you’re celebrating major (and minor) news. Food isn’t the only way to celebrate good news. Try kissing too! And the news doesn’t have to be major. You can kiss him because all the laundry is folded and put away. You can kiss him when the dishwasher is emptied. You can kiss him just because… Y’all are married now so there aren’t any rules to kissing. Just do it! According to the experts, you’ll create an instant psychological connection each and every time you kiss.
Have you been guilty of not kissing your husband enough?
What are some ways you can squeeze more kissing into your day?
Wedding Dress Dreams…Let’s Talk About It
Let’s Talk About It…
How much did you (would you) spend on your wedding dress?
I spent zero. A very generous family member offered to pay for my dress as a wedding gift. (So of course, I picked the most expensive dress I could find!)
Okay, it wasn’t THE most expensive dress I could find. (I do have some sort of moral compass.) But I did choose a pretty pricey dress, a two thousand dollar pricey dress. I picked out this huge, fluffy, Disney Princess contraption of a wedding gown from Macy’s. It was beautiful but carrying around all that extra fabric left me tired and cranky by the end of the day.
Back then, if I had to pay for the dress myself, I would’ve spent the same amount or more. Weddings are special and we want them to be unforgettable.
However my 2014, thirty-five-year-old-with-two-small-children-and-a-budget self balks at spending that kind of money on a wedding dress. That kind of cash could be used on a couple of months of groceries and gas!
When the reality of day-to-day living sets in (especially for young moms who are in a constant care giving mode), it’s easy to forget there was once a time when spending thousands of dollars on this one day event was an investment well spent. After all, you are marrying the man you love.
So every so often, I’ll “splurge” by buying a cute outfit at Kohl’s or Target…from the sale rack…and marked down at least 50 percent.
It’s not very extravagant or dreamy, but it’s extravagant and dreamy enough for this thirty-five-year-old-with-two-small-children-and-a-budget.
Let’s talk about it: How much did you (would you) spend on your wedding dress?
Love Anyway, a guest post by Angela Strong
I sold my first romance novel Love Finds You in Sun Valley, Idaho on proposal alone. That meant I had a contract before I wrote the book. Which would have been great if my ex-husband didn’t decide to leave me at that same time. I was forced to write a romance novel as my own marriage fell apart. Then I decided to never write romance again. Because love sucked.
I broke up with my agent. I wrote angry blogs. And if there was a television show on about divorce, others would worry that it would hurt me. But I liked those. It was going to weddings that hurt. And watching engagement videos on youtube. And renaming my anniversary “my noniversary.” Ouch.
But then I met an amazing man. A too-good-to-be-true man. Or so I thought.
I tried to scare him away by telling him how part of my heart was still dead. But he loved me anyway. I would cry because I didn’t feel I deserved him. But he loved me anyway. I waited for something horrible to happen that would break us up. But he loved me anyway.
He proposed anyway.
He married me anyway.
He took me to the beach to celebrate our third anniversary this year anyway.
And now there is nothing I’d rather write than romance novels. Because love is powerful. It is worth waiting for. And it changes lives!
So for those of you who have told me before things like, “Christians shouldn’t write romance , they should write about things that matter like politics,” or “I wouldn’t let my daughter read your novel because it awoke love to early.” I get it.
And I love you anyway.
Bio:
Angela sold her first article while still in high school, studied journalism at the University of Oregon, and now writes light-hearted and life-changing stories in a variety of genres including romance and middle-grade fiction. She started IDAhope Writers to help out other authors and has been awarded Idaho Top Author for two years in a row. You can find out more about her and her books at www.angelaruthstrong.com.
Book Blurb:
I, Joey Michaels, am the Snowball Fight Professional. Basically this means that customers pay me to shoot snowballs at other people. I’ll use the profits to buy Grandma a gift so impressive that she’ll give me a puppy for Christmas. Unless, of course, my cousin Winston has anything to do with it.
Earning the puppy wouldn’t be so hard if I didn’t have the following problems: 1) Winston stealing my employee 2) Winston getting me in trouble every time I do something wrong 3) Winston blaming me for things I don’t even do
If I don’t get the puppy … ugh. This might turn into an all out winter war!
The Snowball Fight Professional is Book 2 in the Fun4Hire Series.
