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The Secret to Self-Worth

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Tips to Increase Self Worth

One of the over-arching themes in HEALING HANNAH’S HEART is finding self-worth. If you read my Instagram post last week, you know that I had a hard time finding my own self-worth. My personal journey fed my fiction!

So what’s the secret to self-worth? I don’t have all the answers, but here are a few tips that could help you appreciate the inherent value of YOU.

See the value in your uniqueness.

For most of my life, I detested my uniqueness – I have a long “unusual” name. So I spent a huge portion of my life having to pronounce my name for people or I gave them a shortened version of my name to make things “easier” (on them). It was – and still is – exhausting.

As a child, folks would see me and my Filipino mother together and ask if I was adopted. Then I would say “no” and then have to, once again, explain myself to someone. This too was exhausting.

If this happens repeatedly over time, one starts to wish that they could fit into a “standard mold” and be life everyone else. I did.

Yet being like everyone else suffocated me. In a series of brave acts of self-actualization, I shed the need to be like everyone else, and I started to embrace me. When I did, I discovered that there is value in who I am and what I do because there aren’t many people out there who have similar background and experiences.

What makes you unique? What part of you have you shied away from? That could be the place where you find your path and purpose.

Embrace the road less traveled. Be willing to stand alone.

I have so many stories about taking the road less traveled. When I’ve taken the standard route to life, then I was often met with setbacks and road blocks. A lot of this has to do with being a woman of color. So I learned through trial and error to figure out my own path and to take my own road.

Taking my own road involves risks because new ways of being and doing haven’t been tested. Not everything I’ve tried has been successful, and so I experiment with something else. Eventually, I find my vein of gold.

“Be willing to leave the table when love is no longer served.” -Nina Simone

This is one of my favorite quotes by Nina Simone. Not everyone will celebrate you. Not everyone will cheer you on as you go through life. Be willing to walk away and find spaces where you are valued.

Walking away can seem hard when you’re learning to increase your self-worth, but you will reap a better harvest by walking away from fallow ground.

Let’s Chat

I hope these three tips help you today. If you want to read more posts like this, be sure to subscribe to my email newsletter. Click here to join www.subscribepage.com/preslaysa

Have you tried any of these tips?

Where are you in your journey of self-discovery?

How My 5 yo’s Violin Practice Taught Me About Responsibility

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“And a little child shall lead them…” (Isaiah 11:6)

I enrolled my five year in violin classes in 2014 because I wanted him to experience the discipline required when learning an art form. I chose the Suzuki method because it involves a lot of parental input and feedback. Suzuki parents learn along with the child. We can’t drop our child off at the music lesson, grab a latte, and pick them up when the lesson’s finished. We sit through the lessons and observe the teacher in order to implement the skills at home.

This sounded avant garde when I signed up in 2014, but I was flunking in the parental involvement department. Practice sessions were haphazard at best. As a result, his progress was slow. Even more embarrassing, our wonderful violin teacher pulled me aside on more than one occasion and gave me a good talking to on the importance of regular practice.

Sigh…

Despite my halfhearted efforts, I continued paying the tuition and the violin rental fee in the hopes that one day I’d get it together and be a Stellar Suzuki Mom **shifty eyes**

Last week, I reached my one day.

My one day occurred late at night after we finished our bedtime routine. I noticed his violin case next to my laptop, and I had an internal **Aha!** moment. I had to take the reins and practice the violin with my son. I had to lead the effort.

So my son took out his violin and his bow. I took out the week’s practice sheet, and he stumbled through the different tunes. They sounded squeaky, but he hadn’t practiced in a while so we had to overcome our learning curve.

Violin Practice Sheet
This week’s Violin Practice Sheet: It lists the practice dates and the number of repetitions for each exercise

The next night, we did the same thing. Still squeaky noises and messy bow holds. Still learning.

The following night, I almost forgot about practice until three year old Little Miss reminded me that her brother needed to practice.

By the fifth day of practice, my husband commented that our son was getting better. When lesson day arrived, the violin teacher was impressed. The five year old knew all of his Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star variations (something we have been slapdash learning since 2014). She tested him, and he passed with flying colors! He’s now ready to move on to learning the next song.

Interesting what 15-20 minute practices, five days a week can do!

Now back to my **Aha!** moment. When I saw that violin next to my computer, I realized no one would help me.  No one would rescue me. I am responsible.

I am responsible for leading my kids. I am responsible for my home, my finances, my writing, my health, my peace, my joy, my everything.

No one else is responsible. Not even God.

Yes, I believe in an all powerful, sovereign God. I believe that He has set my birth date and my future death date. Yet when God created Adam and placed him in the Garden, He delegated authority over the Garden (and by extension, authority over planet earth) to Adam. He told Adam to “work it and take care of it” (Genesis 2:15, NIV). God made Adam and Eve responsible. A lot of what we see in the earth is a result of man’s irresponsibility and/or fear in areas where God has given them authority to act.

What does this have to do with Suzuki violin?

Well, the only way to progress in violin is to take responsibility and practice. I can’t control the depth and breadth of my son’s development as a violinist, but I can control whether he practices.

I can’t control how God will use my life to influence others, but I can control whether I “practice.” I can practice love when met with hate. I can practice joy when met with stress. I can practice peace when met with unrest.

I can practice.  And so can you.

God, in His all powerful, sovereignty, rewards those who practice His principles. Like my son this week at violin, those who practice pass their tests with flying colors. If you are going through a test in your life, practice His principles and watch how God rewards you.

 

 

Buying Time Pt 2

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Happy Monday Everyone!

For the next few Mondays, I’m blogging about buying time. In our fast paced, dot com world, it’s easy to fritter our lives aways on the non-essentials. But we cannot recover a minute, an hour or a day spent in unfruitful pursuits. Unlike money, once lost, it cannot be recouped.

So here this week’s list of three activities we can do to make use of those minutes we spend engaging in the daily tasks of life: driving, folding laundry, cooking dinner, exercising, etc. I have to thank Bethany at Flights of Fiction for contributing the wonderful idea #1.

#1) Bethany at Flights of Fiction says: “I was finding I could find the free time (i.e. not time taken watching the kids) each day to do one long thing. I preferred to write, so exercising usually got left by the wayside. Then I discovered the recording function on my phone. While I’m walking on the trail at my neighborhood park, I can speak plot for my novel into my phone. Then when I get home, I play it as I’m typing. Most of it’s already there at that point, I just have to add thought and spiff up the dialogue. But it’s a huge time saver! (btw I also tried voice recognition software but found it used more time than it takes to actually type the words)”

#2) Listen to an mp3 of a seminar in your career field. Since I write, I like to listen to teaching sessions from different writing conferences. But if you work in another field, you can easily listen to an audio book in that career area. One thing about this, I notice I don’t “get it” the first few times around. I often have to listen to something repeatedly (at least 20 times) for me to digest it. And then another 20 times to actually apply it. (I know, I’m a turtle!) I used to jump from topic to topic but then I noticed I wasn’t learning or applying anything to my writing. So now, I just focus on one thing and listen to it a bazillion times before I move on.

#3) Recite scripture to your children. If you have older children, this serves as a great way to help them memorize scripture. Print out several copies of the same Bible verse. Tape it around your house in areas that you frequent: the bathroom mirror, the kitchen table, the refrigerator!  This serves as a reminder for you to say the verse to your child.

I just started doing number #3 last week.  It’s an easy way for me to incorporate Deuteronomy 6:6-9 into my life. We’ve started with Psalm 118:24 “This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” It’s important to speak words of life to our children. Having these verses staring me in the face, reminds me of the importance of the words I speak to the ones I love. It also reminds me of the great stewardship God has entrusted us with the lives He has added to our family.

BTW, this is what Deut 6:6-9 says: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

If anyone has any other ideas, feel free to leave a comment and I’ll include your idea in future posts (giving credit to you of course!). Also, if you leave an idea along with a blog link, I’ll include that in a future post as well.

Buying Time, pt 1

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Soon after becoming a new mom, I discovered my innate penchant for wasting time. Time which could not be wasted. I quickly learned I needed to prioritize my life and cut out unfruitful activities. It meant I had to look hard at what I truly valued and start the process of repositioning my life to match my values.

In my efforts to do this, I learned there’s a lot of “dead time” which could be used to develop in activities which, prior to having a child, I would have said I didn’t have time for.  For me, “dead time” involves doing activities that don’t require a lot of mental effort: getting ready in the morning, exercising, changing diapers, eating, folding clothes, cleaning the house. During these times, I could do something to grow vocationally or spirtually.

Paul, in Ephesians 5:16 (NASB), tells us to “make the most of our time because the days are evil.” Living in a fallen world means we have a propensity to waste time on activities which do not have true value, activities like surfing the internet, watching mindless TV programs, gossiping, worrying, etc. Because of this, we must intentionally do things which build us up.

For the next few Mondays for the rest of March and April, I’ll list ways we, as busy mothers, can buy time, despite our busy lifestyles. For many years, I was deceived into thinking that to do these activities would take GOBS of time which I don’t have. After praying about this issue and struggling with it, God showed me how easy and painless it is to engage in the disciplines I’ll be listing here.

So without further ado, here’s the first three activities we can do to make the most of our time. While getting ready in the morning, driving, changing a diaper, feeding a baby, or performing chores around the house, you can:

1) Listen to a good sermon or the audio Bible (I like Max McLean’s Listener’s Bible)

2) Memorize one verse of the Bible. Just carry an index card around with you with the verse printed out.)

3) Sing to your child. (This could be a song which has the double effect of learning: like the ‘ABC Song’ or teaching them a story/principle from the Bible: like a popular Sunday school song like ‘Jesus Loves Me’)

If anyone out there has any other ideas, feel free to leave a comment and I’ll include your idea in future posts (giving credit to you of course!). Also, if you leave an idea along with a blog link, I’ll include that in a future post as well.

Guest Posting with Randi at Beautifully Bohemian

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Hey Folks!

I’m guest posting today on at Beautifully Bohemian about how writing has strengthened my personal growth.

 

BeautifullyBohemian.com

{More than} 21 days to a new habit

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Working on habits has been an ongoing process for me. This month, I’ve decided to work on a new habit. But really, truly, I’ve been working on this habit for years, it’s just that I haven’t gotten the habit ingrained in my daily routine yet. As I reread my old journals the other day I noticed that I’ve written the same thing over and over again:

Sleep by 9:30pm
Go to bed by 9:30pm
9:30pm – Light’s out.

This was easy for me to do when I was a child. My parent’s dictated when I went to bed, but now, not so much. Now, I dictate when the children go to bed…as for me…lights out for the children means work time for me.

Yet as the days, weeks and months progress, I’ve come to admit that this isn’t a formula for success. The average adult needs 7-8 hours of sleep a night. By staying up late to get things done, I’m cutting into valuable time to rest and rejuvenate.

And I’m reinforcing the negative habit of staying up late. Blech.

habits

They {whoever ‘they’ are} say that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. But for me to get to bed by 9:30pm, it’s taken more like 72 months…and I’m still working on it.

MY NEW HABIT FOR APRIL-MAY: Go to bed by 10:00pm

Notice that I didn’t write I’ll go to bed by 9:30pm. 10:00pm seems more realistic for me, and perhaps over time I can work towards 9:30pm.

{Hint: When you want to set a goal or incorporate a new habit, start small.}

Would you like to join me? ‘d love to be an encouragement to you as you make positive changes in your life. {And I could us the support and accountability myself.}

If you are inspired, leave a comment for your new habit for April-May in the comments, or email me using the contact link if you’d like to keep it personal.

Let’s see if this works!

P.S. As you’ve noticed, my new habit making spans over two months. This is due to the fact that: #1 It’s the middle of the month and #2 It has taken me a while to work on this habit already. Now, I think it needs some focused effort over a longer period of time.

buying time, pt 1

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(A repost from March 21, 2011)

Soon after giving birth last year, I discovered my innate penchant for wasting time. Time which could not be wasted. I quickly learned I needed to prioritize my life and cut out unfruitful activities. It meant I had to look hard at what I truly valued and start the process of repositioning my life to match my values. 

In my efforts to do this, I learned there’s a lot of “dead time” which could be used to develop in activities which, prior to having a child, I would have said I didn’t have time for.  For me, “dead time” involves doing activities that don’t require a lot of mental effort: getting ready in the morning, exercising, changing diapers, eating, folding clothes, cleaning the house. During these times, I could do something to grow vocationally or spirtually.

Paul, in Ephesians 5:16 (NASB), tells us to “make the most of our time because the days are evil.” Living in a fallen world means we have a propensity to waste time on activities which do not have true value, activities like surfing the internet, watching mindless TV programs, gossiping, worrying, etc. Because of this, we must intentionally do things which build us up.

For the next few Mondays for the rest of March and April, I’ll list ways we, as busy mothers, can buy time, despite our busy lifestyles. For many years, I was deceived into thinking that to do these activities would take GOBS of time which I don’t have. After praying about this issue and struggling with it, God showed me how easy and painless it is to engage in the disciplines I’ll be listing here.

So without further ado, here’s the first three activities we can do to make the most of our time. While getting ready in the morning, driving, changing a diaper, feeding a baby, or performing chores around the house, you can:

1) Listen to a good sermon or the audio Bible (I like Max McLean’s Listener’s Bible)

2) Memorize one verse of the Bible. Just carry an index card around with you with the verse printed out.)

3) Sing to your child. (This could be a song which has the double effect of learning: like the ‘ABC Song’ or teaching them a story/principle from the Bible: like a popular Sunday school song like ‘Jesus Loves Me’)

If anyone out there has any other ideas, feel free to leave a comment and I’ll include your idea in future posts (giving credit to you of course!). Also, if you leave an idea along with a blog link, I’ll include that in a future post as well.