Love at First Sight? Let’s Talk About It.

Let’s Talk About It…

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I don’t.

Sorry if that sounds like a splash of cold water on your happily ever after, but I don’t. (And I write romance!)

When I first met my husband in Negril, Jamaica, it wasn’t love at first sight. He seemed like a cool guy. We talked. We danced. Then I lost my friends at the party…and he was the perfect gentleman. He gave me $40 to get a cab ride back to my hotel, and we parted ways.

That act of kindness piqued my interest, but it wasn’t love at first sight. When I returned to the States a week later, I wrote a check for the forty bucks, and mailed it to him with a card thanking him for the gesture. Afterwards, we talked on the phone and instant messaged each other. (Yes, this was when AOL had instant messaging. The olden days.) At the time he was attending college in Annapolis, and I was attending college in NYC so when he traveled to see me for our first date, I was flattered.

Ladies, so far this guy has scored points with me on two fronts. First, he shells out cash for my cab ride when I’m stranded. Second, he travels a long distance to see me.

But it wasn’t love at first sight.

I clearly remember that first date. We were riding an escalator at a mall, and I got a God Nudge. A God Nudge is one of those moments when the Holy Spirit in me says: “Pay attention. This one is special.” And so I paid attention and waited to see how all this would play out. Patience is a big part of this whole love thing. “Love is patient…Love is kind…”

But it wasn’t love at first sight.

The love grew over time. As we got to know one another, I started to like his laid back nature, his straight shooter ways. I was the hurricane and he was the calm sea, always steady, always unmoved.

It’s been like that for most of our marriage. I guess that’s why I’m the creative type and he’s the engineer type.

Still, I didn’t know I was in love until he got military orders to San Diego after he graduated.

This was our conversation:

Him: “I’ve got orders to go to San Diego. How about you move there with me and we live together?”

Me…the formerly backsliding but now on the straight and narrow path Christian: (I’m thinking: Live together?! As in shack up? No way. You ain’t getting any free milk over here, buddy.) So I said, “Can’t do that. If you want to live with me, then we have to be married.”

Him: Let’s do that then.

I dropped the phone.

I eventually picked the phone back up and said ‘yes’, but it wasn’t until I created a boundary that I learned about love. I grew up thinking love meant you have to have your boundaries invaded whether those boundaries were mental, emotional or physical.

True love respects the boundaries of the other person. True love creates healthy boundaries based on one’s personal values and beliefs. (I, for example, didn’t believe in shacking.  That was my boundary. That was my deal breaker.) And it’s worked out so far. We’ve been married for a good while now.

If he hadn’t proposed after I drew the line, I would have balled and squalled, but then I would have eventually picked myself off the floor and moved on. Because that’s love too- learning to love me.

Let’s talk about it: Do you believe in love at first sight? Leave a comment. I’d love to chat.