Next year, 2013, my husband and I will celebrate our ten year marriage anniversary.
Ten years is a long time, especially when two flawed, Jesus loving people commit to building a life together…till death do them part.
Almost a decade ago, I didn’t even want to get married to my husband. In fact, I wanted to call it quits a week before our wedding. I was so adamant about backing out of the whole thing that I called our pastor and told him I wanted to cancel the wedding. He gathered us both together for a meeting and I gave the pastor my list of reasons why I didn’t want to marry my husband:
1) HE did ….
2) HE is so….
3) HE doesn’t understand that I ….
And on, and on, and on.
Our wise pastor considered all my railing accusations against my husband and said this:
“You have faults too, yet Jesus still chose to die for you. Don’t you think it’s wonderful that you’ll be able to walk down the aisle next week, knowing all of your fiance’s faults, look him in the eye and still say “Yes, I choose to love you. I choose to share my life with you. Preslaysa, that’s Christlikeness.”
The truth of his statement burned me up inside. I couldn’t justify my argument after that. Deep within, I knew that if I backed out now, I would miss out on God’s opportunity to mold me into a Real Lover.
Prior to that meeting, I had my own notions of what being a Real Lover was all about. We all do, and I can’t say that I have all the answers almost a decade later, but I do know that:
-
Real Lovers commit.
-
Real Lovers forgive.
-
Real Lovers see their loved one’s flaws, and love anyway.
-
Real Lovers don’t accuse their loved one.
-
Real Lovers are transparent. They can stand naked before their loved one…and not be ashamed.
In the dailyness of life, especially at this stage where we are raising little ones, it’s easy for me to harp on my husband’s faults. The stresses of caring for young children can try my mind, will and emotions. I have to consciously choose to be a Real Lover in these situations. To not complain. To praise. To not nag. To honor. To not tear down. To build up.Hopefully, after many more decades of marriage to my husband, I’ll finally get it right.But even if I don’t perfect love, I know that:
- Real Lovers forgive seventy times seven. And so I can choose mercy over justice.
- Real Lovers love grace. And so I can choose to be grace-full in the hard moments of life.
- Real Lovers commit. And so I can choose to re-commit each and every morning when I awaken with him at my side.
- Real Lovers seek the best for their loved one. And so I can choose to lay aside my human need to be validated…and be selfless. Be Christlike.
- That’s what makes Real Marriages last.
Leave a Reply