Screaming mamas, I have another confession. I too am a screaming mama. I scream like a toddler and/or a baby. Only I’m not a toddler, and I’m not a baby. I’m in my thirties. Therefore, my screaming is ultra-un-normal. Ahem, abnormal.
Why do I scream? For starters, my children scream, and sometimes–okay, a lot of times–I rationalize that screaming louder than my children will beef up my parental authority. It’s a reflex, knee-jerk, bad on all levels parenting technique.
It doesn’t work. My children giggle at me and continue on their merry misbehaving ways. Screaming has become ingrained in me, and I don’t like it. I recall one morning, during my quiet time, telling God that I WON’T SCREAM TODAY. (I wrote that in all CAPS in my journal because sometimes you just gotta get your point across to Him.) Soon as I hit the floor, I started screaming.
Can you believe that my prayer didn’t get answered? I couldn’t believe it either. What was I to do?
Pray still.
Hug still.
Love still.
And use those “I-message” communication techniques I read about in my Early Childhood Education class. Oh yeah, I have two college degrees, but I took some Early Childhood Ed. classes last year to help with my parenting skills. I pulled out the college textbooks for this one. Surprisingly, none of my textbooks said anything about screaming mamas like me.
Praying, hugging and loving on my children are as natural to me as screaming. (Don’t ask me how that makes sense, just accept it.) I-messages are odd. I-messages are assertive. To me, it’s easier to scream than to be assertive.
How Screaming Mamas Can Be More Assertive (Sort of)
This is assertive:
“Son, I feel angry when you blatantly ignore me after I asked you to sit at your chair for lunch. Do you know that I was in labor with you for TWENTY FOUR HOURS…UNMEDICATED?”
“Daughter, I feel upset when you howl for your sippy cup instead of asking politely. MY EARDRUMS CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH.”
But assertive must be done. Don’t want to be that frazzled mom anymore. Perhaps I can do baby steps. One I-message a day? Oh, and the textbooks say I have to look them in the eye when I say my special I-message. That’s lot of steps to navigate, but I’ll try.
Are you a screamer? Or am I the only one? Let’s talk about it.
I try not to be, but I can’t help it. It sometimes seems to be the only way my son knows I am not playing around. And then he uses his big eyes and long eyelashes, even as a teenager at this point, to make me feel guilty about screaming. Yikes!
I know what you mean, Piper. It’s the classic scream-guilt complex (a term I just made up, btw).
I don’t have children, but I do have dogs and I scream at them. My husband hates it, but they just don’t listen otherwise. I grew up in a screaming household, so I imagine it is somewhat inbred. Though I don’t scream at anyone else. I used to have a co-worker who would scream at her husband on the phone. People would walk by her office and say – who is she talking to?
BTW – I’ve read a few of your other posts and you are a wonderful writer.
Thank you Savvy Working Girl!
Stopping by from the SITS Linkup… Great post! I think every mom’s been there. I try not to scream but sometimes, when I’m at my wit’s end, it comes out. Then I see my kids horrified faces and feel terrible. What seems to work for me is walking away and taking a “mommy time out.”
Thanks for stopping by, Maurissa! Mommy time outs are a great idea! That would keep me accountable.
I scream like one of those women in a 1950s horror flick. People think it’s funny!
That is funny 🙂
I am a screamer, embarrassingly. I scream when I least expect it, when I don’t want to and it just kind of comes out. I’m working on it but realize that to some extent it’s my stress relief and gut reaction to bad situations. Not proud of it but working to make it better.
Hey Jenny, I’m glad that you’re working on it. We’ll both overcome it!
Oh, yes, yes, yes. One of my new year’s resolutions was to stop screaming. I’ve done a good job at not doing it much any more. I can’t say I’ve completely stopped since then, but enough so that it’s a rare thing for me to scream. It feels so much better.
That’s great, Shell! I’m having a better week thus far with my screaming. Hopefully, this will continue 🙂
I must admit that I went through my moments with this, and I really have to work on it. The best thing for me: deep breaths. I do it so often that my little ones even use that now!! LOL. Thanks for a great post. HAppy SITS!!
You’re welcome, Elizabeth! Thanks for stopping by!