Black women

“You are the designer of your destiny; you are the author of your story.” -Lisa Nichols

My life has made another turn around the calendar today. I spent some time last night thinking about my year and this upcoming one.

Lisa Nichols’ quote encapsulates what I strive towards for this new year of life: designing my destiny, authoring my story, keeping outside, negative forces at bay.

Outside forces are just that: outside. They don’t control my inner life, that quiet space where I create with God. That space where I allow and disallow people, places, and ideas in my sphere. We have the ability to create our worlds.

So today, I invite you to dive within yourself and create yours.

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou

My biggest struggle has been the “liking yourself” part Maya’s statement. I love what I do. I love how I do it (although I tend to be a perfectionist)…but liking myself? Meh.

Internal and external factors have contributed to whether I like myself. The external ones deal with social norms which don’t favor Black women and Womxn of color.

The internal ones deal with my self-image and self-esteem. Yet both factors are intricately connected.

Success occurs when all three become a peaceful trinity. Today, after years of heartache, I like myself. And so today, I’m successful. How about you?

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“I am a feminist, and what that means to me is much the same as the meaning of the fact that I am Black: it means that I must undertake to love myself and to respect myself as though my very life depends upon self-love and self-respect.” – June Jordan

My life depends on how much I love and respect myself. The world already has their views of me. That’s out of my control.

And so my life depends on how much I love and respect myself. It depends on what I will and will not accept regarding how I relate to others and to myself.

Self-love is revolutionary.

Self-respect is avant-garde.

For Black women, both are a lifeline.

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“I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim or to someone else’s ignorance. ” – bell hooks

When I finally decided to not have my life narrowed down, I didn’t know it would be such a fight.

A fight to stand in my truth.

A fight to stand in my identity.

A fight to stand in my talents and gifts.

It’s worth the fight. I’d rather be authentic and free, than inauthentic and beholden to another.

If someone displays ignorance, I don’t “ignorate” along with them. I leave.

If someone wants me to bow to their whim, I stand in my truth.

Life is too short to waste time squeezing myself into other people’s molds. It’s best to be who I am. Today.

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“You never find yourself until you face the truth.” -Pearl Bailey

What truth do you have to face about yourself?

There are a lot of truths about myself that I have yet to face, but I’m slowly peeling away layers upon layers of my defense mechanisms until I get to the core of who I am.

When I face Divine light, seeing the truth about myself happens more quickly. God never holds back the truth about me.

Often we shy away from facing Divine light because we’re afraid of standing before it, naked and ashamed.

The thing is, Light is Light is Light. Love is Love is Love. All that is revealed ultimately heals; it doesn’t harm. All that is unveiled ultimately binds; it doesn’t wound.

We simply have to surrender to the process of being more and more new,

more and more true,

more and more you.

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“Whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you’ll find that when you’re free…your true self comes out.” -Tina Turner

I’ve held on to too many people and situations that were bringing me down. I’ve held onto them for much longer than needed.

I grasped them so tightly that my physical appearance and overall well-being suffered.

I held onto them tightly because I was afraid of who I’d become on the other side of freedom.

If you want to fly, you got to let go of the things weighing you down:

The time sucks.
The energy vampires.
The negative people.
The wasteful activities.
The haters.

The process of releasing those things which no longer serve you is rough, but once you pass through, you’ll find your true self.