I find solace through writing.
Since 2009, I’ve engaged in writing Morning Pages a la Julia Cameron. This is how Julia defines Morning Pages:
Morning Pages are three pages of longhand, stream of consciousness writing, done first thing in the morning. There is no wrong way to do Morning Pages–they are not high art. They are not even “writing.” They are about anything and everything that crosses your mind – and they are for your eyes only. Morning Pages provoke, clarify, comfort, cajole, prioritize and synchronize the day at hand. Do not over-think Morning Pages: just put three pages of anything on the page and then do three more pages tomorrow.
However, as my life has become more full…more children to tend to, more responsibilities to manage…my heart has had a greater yearning for rest. It craves the quiet moments. My cat knows these moments well. With kiddos in the house, she usually spends her days in hiding. It’s only until naptime or in the early morning that she comes comes out and chills with me.
My morning pages practice has been shoddy over the years because whenever I engage in them, I feel like I’m wasting my writing minutes. With little ones underfoot, I usually steal every available moment I can to work on a writing project that others will read. I often neglect the writing that only I will read…(and perhaps my children one day in the future after I hit dirt.)
Could this an indication that I only care about my public face…and not my private heart?
Healing doesn’t start from the outside in. It starts from the inside out. Why do I so want to reverse a timeless principle?
Because I want to get to it! Power through that ‘to do’ list!
When I do slow down and commit the first part of my day to Morning Pages and time in alone, I feel anxious and restless. Julia Cameron says Morning Pages are like running a vacuum cleaner over your brain. Howevever, after consistently doing Morning Pages for a week or two, I still feel anxious and restless, but then something happens.
I am able to be fully engage in the rest of my day whether it be that novel or that baseboard. I feel clear. I feel present. I feel creative. Magic?
Nope. Just operating in the inside out.
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